When Mike and I first got married I was still extremely young and still unsure of who I was, though I didn’t realize it at the time. Marrying Mike is still one the greatest things that has ever happened to me but it hasn’t been easy.
Marriage has taught me so much about myself, and my husband. One thing is for certain there are many things I still hadn’t learned about my partner (or realized about men in general) that I’d wished I’d known before.
So let me get to the point, the big reason I’m writing this is because I just realized this one major thing and it’s going to sound dumb so bear with me.
Men and women see things from two totally different perspectives! So the way we view love and respect are totally different.
Now you’re probably going “DUH, everyone know’s that,” and you’re probably thinking you’re wasting your time reading this but just hold on a second.
While I always thought I understood this concept I really did not until recently. I’d been reading this book given to me by my bible professor for my Christian families class entitled “For women only”. While reading the chapter on respect I had a major “DUH” moment (Feldhahn warned this would happened) and realized almost all of our fights prior to this knowledge could have been prevented.
I’d already started to understand just how much RESPECT meant to men and how important it is for them to feel respected by their spouse. However, I’d failed to realize that I didn’t know how to respect him in the way he needed. Respect is probably one of the most important things you can do for your husband, but sometimes we don’t realize that even if we DO respect them we may not be showing them that.
Then I started to realize how many other married women out there were constantly disrespecting their spouses without realizing or even intending to. I then started to think back on times when I personally just felt like I was expressing my thoughts or feelings and realized how rude they may have come off to my husband.
For example my husband recently pointed out to me that every time he goes grocery shopping instead of being happy for what he got, I point out everything he forgot to get or complain about what he did get. While this may seem minor in my mind and maybe yours this was a sign of disrespect for him. For him he was simply doing what he thought was right and I was unintentionally being rude by insulting his choices.
The feminist in me screams “it’s not my fault masculinity is so fragile” but then I have to remind myself men DO have feelings. When you give someone your love and trust it hurts when they disrespect you, and while we may have different ways of reacting to that hurt it’s important nonetheless to know that it’s there.
I’ve learned that sometimes things we as women may think of as minor statements could be seen as a huge sign of disrespect to our men. There has been many times I’ve dismissed my mans opinion without realizing how rude I was being. Many times I’ve questioned his judgement without intending to.
What our men really want is for us to respect them. For them, love and respect go hand in hand and the way we go about doing so shows them just how much they mean to us.
I hope this post can help someone or at least spark conversation needed to prevent future conflict.